larryni.me.uk

The Good Reverend did the maths:

By now I’m sure you’re familiar with the age-old adage, “Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.” When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let’s take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist?

Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don’t live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We’ll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens.

Read the rest of his findings. And have a look at the comments on reddit as well, very funny.