larryni.me.uk

I’ve come across some weird shit on people’s computers when doing maintenance and repair jobs, but horse rape porn?!

Awkward much?

Why she insisted I be in there, I’m not sure. I guess she wanted me for moral support and to give justification to her actions if it came to that. After all I was the one who set this whole thing up, and even though I was getting paid I sort of felt obligated to help out.

I checked the log of websites he had visited. WWW.BANGBUS.COM struck my eye. I shuddered. She turned and glared at him.

“What’s this Matthew? Bang Bus Dot Com huh? You went to this website?”
“Mom, fuck, why do we have to do this?”
“Tell my son why this stuff corrupts his mind and degrades women.”

Then I thought of all the horrible, disgusting, mindfucking, degrading, scummy porn I had ever watched in my life, and karma laughed at me long and hard. I ended up giving a half-assed answer and made up some statistic about porn and kids who kill people or something. It was good enough I guess.

I deleted limewire at her command, which cant really be effectively blocked by a content filter on a mac. Then I saw it- the limewire shared folder. Oh, what horrors would lie within? I stealthfully trashed it, but I was caught. I played dumb and opened it up for her to see. Matthew, I saw, was cringing.

Read the full story. High cringe factor and hilarious.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at this news item:

A short car mechanic who was driven around a German city in the trunk of a car to investigate a rattling noise was mistaken for a kidnapped child.

German police who mounted a major rescue operation for a child seen locked in the trunk of a car were surprised to find a car mechanic of short stature who had been trying to detect the source of a rattling noise.

Police in the northern city of Bremen said a woman had called after she looked out her apartment window and saw a child in a trunk — just before the driver slammed it shut, and drove off.

“A major investigation and manhunt was immediately launched and the car and its driver were apprehended,” police said in a statement.

“The explanation was a simple as it was logical: The driver had been worried by inexplicable rattling noises in or near his trunk. He called a mechanic, who appears to have had a ‘child-like’ figure according to the witness, and who climbed in the trunk to get to the bottom of the problem.”

Police said they didn’t know if he found the source of the rattling.

Not sure yet how I feel about this bit of news:

Social music site Last.fm has been bought by US media giant CBS Corporation for $280m (£140m), the largest-ever UK Web 2.0 acquisition.

There had been rumours for some time that a media giant was going to buy last.fm. But it was Viacom as far as I remember, so this comes as a bit of a surprise.

The good news is that:

As part of the deal, Last.fm’s managing team will remain in place and the site will maintain its own separate identity.

Mr Stiksel said: “This move will really support us to get every track ever recorded and every music video ever made onto Last.fm.

“With a strong partner like CBS, this is now within our reach.”

I really hope that they will let the last.fm team get on with things and not meddle too much.

Found this in my inbox earlier, no idea about the source or if it’s true or not. Who cares, it’s funny

An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1– To make an appointment to see me.
2– To query a missing payment.
3– To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4– To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5– To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6– To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7– To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8– To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9– To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client
———————
Addendum from The Editor: IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a lady who is a 98 year old woman; DOESN’T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!!?

First the Internets gave us LOLcats. Then LOLgays. And LOLprez. Even Startrek got the LOL treatment. And there’s more, google for them or roll your own.

Now we have LOLcode. Yes, somebody actually went and turned the LOLcat language into a programming language!

HAI! This site provides community documentation of the emergent LOLCODE language. It is our hope that the examples can grow in a way that is both internally consistent and suggest a real, feasible computing language.

Here’s the obligatory ‘Hello Hai World’ example:

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
VISIBLE "HAI WORLD!"
KTHXBYE

When I first came across the site yesterday afternoon there wasn’t too much content. Now there are already quite a lot of user contributions to develop the code. There’s even a first compiler.

Don’t you just love the Internet?

Whenever you delete a file in Nautilus it creates a .Trash-<user> folder in the root of the partition and the deleted file is moved there. It stays there until you empty the Deleted Items folder and still takes up disk space. This can become a nuisance when you delete files from a removable USB drive like a memory stick and forget to empty the Deleted Files folder before disconnecting the drive.

An easy workaround is to use SHIFT+DEL, this bypasses Deleted Items and removes the file(s) permanently.

You can also change Nautilus’ preferences to include a Delete option in the right-click menu and the Edit menu.

1. Launch Nautilus.
2. Open Edit > Preferences, click the Behaviour tab and in the Deleted Items section select Include a Delete command that bypasses Deleted Items folder.

How To Properly Load Vista – Watch more free videos

City of Derry Airport was shut down by the Civil Aviation Authority from midnight last night due to safety concerns. Today it was announced that there will be a full security audit and that the airport will remain closed until the repairs are completed, however long that will take.

The airport was closed due to a “systematic failure of safety management”. There is no word on when it will re-open.

Earlier, Airport manager Seamus Devine said the closure followed a CAA audit of repair work at the site.

However, the authority said it had been in discussion with the airport “for some time” about safety issues.

These included no effective bird control plan and unsuitable temporary repairs to the area where planes park.

There was also poor runway drainage, said the authority.

The airport advised travellers to contact airlines about flight cancellations and diversions.

Wow, this is pretty bad considering that we have a bank holiday weekend and the tourist season is just getting started. Let’s hope the Council are gonna get the finger out and address these issues asap. Derry really can’t afford to lose the tourist trade. And local people getting back from their break in Spain won’t be too impressed when they have to fly in to Belfast – or worse, Dublin – and get the bus back home!

The only icons you usually see on the Ubuntu desktop after installing the OS are the different disk volumes which were discovered during the install, e.g. hda1, hda2, sda1… Using the Gnome Configuration Editor you can remove these icons and/or display others like Computer, Home, Network Servers, Trash or Documents.

First run gconf-editor from terminal. Using the tree pane navigate to apps > nautilus > desktop. From there it’s a simple matter of selecting or deselecting the icons’ checkboxes.

You can also change the display names. If you want a more Windows-like feel and rename the Computer icon to ‘My Computer’ then double-click the computer_icon_name line in the modification pane to edit the key value. The first time you change the default value you need to change the Type to String. Now enter the new display name in the Value box and press Enter.

To get the Documents icon to show up on your desktop you will need to create a Documents (note the capital D) folder in your Home folder. If you already have a Documents folder on a different partition or drive then you can just create a link to it from your Home and rename the link to Documents.